Joining the Fight

My small group is reading a book called "Radical" by David Platt.  It's an awesome book that brings my attention to a lot of things that I have (shamefully) tried to ignore.  It's also a really tough, challenging book to read...for me.  I struggle with guilt, and challenging books seem to bring those guilty feelings to the surface.  I am much better than I used to be at dealing with this and recognizing that guilt is not from God, and I try hard to squash them when I feel them welling up...but it's a constant battle.

Anyway, the last chapter we read was very inspiring.  Our group discussed a lot about spreading the gospel, and how many people on earth have never even HEARD of Jesus, much less know Him personally.  As horrifying as this is, the difficult part is that WE are called to do something about it.  Chapter 4, David says the following:  "He has created each of us to take the gospel to the ends of the earth, and I propose that anything less than radical devotion to this purpose is unbiblical Christianity."  He goes on to recognize and "smack down" all of the usual excuses we (I) use to consider ourselves exempt.  Things like "I am not called to do mission work, but I will send money to those who are called" and "there is plenty of work to do here in my [comfortable] town in the United States...people here are just as important."  While it's true, every soul is precious to God, the answer that seems so simple but was so hard to come to is this:  DO BOTH.  It's got to be both.  We have got to make use of our time wherever we are, and we can't settle.  It's comfortable to have a conversation now and then with friends, family, people at church.  Stretching outside of our comfort zones is a beautiful act of worship!  I want to participate!

Hi.  I'm shy.
So, if you know me, you know that I am extremely shy.  Not just quiet, but seriously, socially crappy.  I don't know if it's "social anxiety" or lack of self confidence or something else, but I have major issues here, and as my group discussed Chapter 4 of Radical, I got extremely emotional.  I want to be obedient and spread God's word, but I truly don't know if I can.  Then when I think that way, I feel guilty because I know that personally I can NOT do it by myself.  I need to trust that God will show up...and I don't think I am totally there yet.  I want to trust Him.  I know that he CAN, but I am afraid that be might NOT.  It was just a hard thing for me to swallow.  I want to spread God's word, but I am too afraid to talk.  How does that work?

One of our extremely wise group members :) made a comment at one point that "the biggest detriment to Christianity is a closed mouth."  I agree.  As the body of Christ, we are called to worship Him by sharing Him with others.  By the end of the evening, I had gone from hating myself for being so stuck, to realizing that I have unique gifts that are not the same as anyone else's gifts...and that's OK!  I don't have to be ashamed that I struggle with talking...I can celebrate that I can share in other ways.  I can JOIN THE FIGHT in ways that use who God made ME to be.  I can volunteer with kids, I can paint buildings, I can pray...and I can trust God and be willing to go to the nations in His timing.  It's exciting.  I feel free now.  I don't have to be held back by ME.

Welp, that was a lot of deep stuff talking about myself.  Tomorrow I am going to blog about some furniture my mom and I are painting for a special room in our house.  ;)   That will be a change of pace.