1 Year Olds

**3/11/2012 (9:33pm)**
Our home on Welton Way

Parks and Marlee,
I love you both more than words can say.  I've never been that great with words anyway. ;)  We’ve now spent one entire year together as a happy little family of FOUR!  This has been the most exciting, scary, happy, difficult, interesting and wonderful year of my life.  You've each taught me so much and I am so in love with each of you and every little "ism" that defines each of you.  Watching other kids grow up and seeing how much changes so quickly makes me want to press pause for just a little while because if this next year is anything like this last year, it's going to be a blur.  I have so many thoughts I want to share with you.  I've been keeping a mental catalog of everything I wanted to write down at the 1-year mark, and now it seems most of it doesn't matter.  The only thing I really want to express today is that I LOVE YOU!  You both have blessed me beyond measure, and I am so excited for the future.


For my own memory, and to hopefully help me in the future (and maybe someone else who is as crazy as me...if such a person exists?!) I have a few thoughts to break down "the twilight days" as we call them.  This is not a reference to Stephanie Meyer's books...which were awesome...but an actual period of time where your Dad and I couldn't tell day from night, sanity from crazy, happy from sad.

To say you two "surprised us" when you arrived a few weeks early is an under statement.  We painted your nursery the day before you were born, and, shamefully, I have yet to hang a thing up on your walls (a year later).  We didn't have supplies...but the bigger issue was that we didn't have the mental preparation.  I don't think it was ever a reality in my mind that you two could be premature and spend time in a NICU until it actually happened.  Unfortunately, the shock and my own insecurities caused me to handle the first few months with very little, if any, grace.  I loved you both before you were born, but I didn't have the capacity to do much beyond loving you and caring for you after you were born.  All I could focus on was getting you guys healthy and strong.  I was basically obsessed with it.  We would take you to the pediatrician or the hospital every other day to weigh you and check up on you.  Paranoia?  A little bit.  A year ago I was emotional, stupid and shut down.  I was overwhelmed to the point that I felt I had no control, and the only thing that got me through each day was my determination to protect and care for you two.  I pushed people away...I basically pushed EVERYONE away.  I was completely closed off, and this is something I have a hard time looking back on.  I learned a lot from it, and I know God has used it and will use all things for His good, but it is still something that gets to me at times.  I feel that I hurt the feelings of the people I love most, and while I know that I was stretched thinner than ever before, and I was doing the very absolute best I could each day, I still regret hurting people.  Thankfully, those people love me back, regardless of my flaws, and life today is magnificent.

Enough with the heavy stuff...let's talk about how you two crack me up.  We have to do "the month-to-month list" one last time, so here it goes:

At 12 months 1 YEAR, Marlee is:
> Size 3 diapers
> Size 9-12 month clothes
> Walks very effectively!
> Makes blubber noises with her lips that sound like a horse, and if we do it, she will copy us and do it back for 30 minutes.  :)
> Still just has the 2 teeth on the bottom, but at least we've got something now!
> Holds her bottle by herself great, and feeds herself finger foods, but still prefers baby food
> LOVES Puffs
> Drinks 4 bottles a day and eats baby food or finger foods with each one (8, 12, 4 and 7:00...bed time at 7:30ish)
> Takes naps at 10 and 2 for about 1.5-2 hours each
> Has huge blue/gray eyes...we are counting on these staying this color now!
> Waves "bye-bye" to EVERYBODY...especially when we are out in public
> Says "Momma," "Dadada," "Baby," and "Apple"  (forgot "baby" recently, but she'll get it back ;) )
> Is so tough...this is bumps and bruises season, and she takes 'em like a champ
> Is going to have a best buddy in July, courtesy of Aunt Claire and Uncle Tony

At 12 months 1 YEAR, Parks is:
> Size 4 diapers
> Size 12-18 month clothes
> Has figured out he can walk much faster than crawling, and almost runs at times now
> Eats 4 times per day (8, 12, 4 and 7:00...bed time at 7:30ish)
> Holds his own bottle and feeds himself finger foods pretty well...we are kinda in "a phase" with food now...he doesn't love baby food as much anymore, but isn't a fan of real food either...just a fan of squishing real food in his fingers.  Mommy is NOT a fan of this.
> Takes naps at 10 and 2 for about 1.5-2 hours each
> Sooo happy in the mornings
> Has huge blue eyes...baby blue...gorgeous blue
> Momma's boy...love this!   :)
> Such a happy baby...rarely cries or fusses and laughs all the time
> Plays a game where we ask "How big is Parks?" and he reaches his hands high up over his head and we say "Soooooo Big"
> Says "Momma," "Dada," "Ball," and "Wuh-ta" (AKA "What's That").  He will point to things around the room and say "Wuh-ta" and as long as you keep answering, he will keep pointing to more and more things.  Hopefully this means he will be inquisitive and love learning.  :)
> L.O.V.E.S. bath time...and, thank goodness, he finally knows what I mean when I say "SIT DOWN!!! No standing in the tub"
> Has a mouth full of teeth...I don't even know how many right now because of the danger when trying to reach in their to count them
> Is going to have a best buddy in July, courtesy of Aunt Erin and Uncle T

Oh...and I will blog about your 1ST BIRTHDAY PARTY next...it was a blast.  :)

All My Love,
Mommy